Drunk Reviews in Outline Form: Girls Season Two Premiere

by kto

  1. Okay so we’re opening onto a sex scene with Donald Glover
    1. Welp, that’s definitely going in a not-secret-because-I’m-talking-about-it-on-the-internet place and staying there forever
    2. He is good at literally every aspect of showbiz and I’m really looking forward to his Bill Murray phase
      1. Like he’ll be a little salt-and-pepper and dance with a pretty Asian girl at a cookout and still be pretty fly and then he’ll disappoint her and it’ll be called Stumblebutt or something
      2. CUT. PRINT. SELL IT.
        1. (in 25 years)
  2. These shorts Hannah’s wearing here
    1. I think I own them or something similar
    2. Now I’m wondering if that’s how I look in them
    3. Not that she looks bad in them!
      1. Obviously
      2. Because I am not
        1. I repeat, NOT
      3. the kind of person who writes about Girls just to talk about Lena Dunham’s motherfucking body
      4. And yet—
      5. And yet—
        1. I’ve entered a slide I can’t get out of
        2. Okay, let’s say this: we’re both a little fat by television standards AND YET we both look amazing in unflattering shorts
        3. Yup.
        4. That’s what I’m going with
  3. Best line:
    1. “I came. You came hard. We all laughed.”
    2. This is the golden (Au) moment (see 8(1))
  4. Oof, I have to say, I really loathe the gay roommate slash ex-boyf
    1. Which is a bummer because he was so delicious in this scene from last season
      1. “There’s a handsomeness to you.”
        1. I DIE
    2. But now that he’s a major player I just find him irritating
    3. It’s not the feyness itself but the fact that it is his Thing and his Only Thing
      1. The problem with the Effeminate Gay BFF in comedy isn’t that he’s played for laughs. You can do that with anything. It’s that, like the Sassy Black Lady, it’s such a reliable stereotype
        1. (and its targets so seemingly marginal to advertisers
          1. [though that’s obviously changing with regards to gay men, who the networks have realized have money I guess? As evidenced by Andrew Rannells’ other big role right now on NBC panderfest The New Normal])
      2. that people can get away with not adding anything else, which is not only problematic but profoundly dull.
      3. The exception, as always, being Community, where Dean Pelton and Shirley offer gorgeous examples of the absurd and brilliant depths to which you can take characters in those categories if you are absurd and brilliant instead of lazy and derivative
        1. Speaking of which:
          1. Lena Dunham won two Golden Globes
          2. Dan Harmon wasn’t even nominated (and is also now fired)
          3. WTF HFPA/NBC/world
  5. Music
    1. Is clearly the most obviously gaping hole in this show’s hipster cred
    2. In that the cues are just okay and none of the characters talk or give a shit about it
      1. Although in its defense trying to do that is always so fraught
      2. The only way for characters to sound cool talking about music is if it’s really well-known
        1. The Madonna opening in Reservoir Dogs
        2. The Ave Maria scene in the West Wing
        3. “My raccoon had hepatitis”
      3. Otherwise it just comes off as “Look at this cool band I, the Writer of this Programme, know about” and then you’re just playing three-card monte with every amateur music supervisor on the planet
        1. And they’re dealing
      4. For example:
        1. Remember that atrocious MTV Brooksploitation show I Want My Pants Back?
          1. You don’t.
            1. But I do.
              1. And that is my tragedy.
          2. But I digress
          3. They would just name-drop, like, Beach House or something and you’d cringe and cringe and cringe forever
          4. That show made my television cringe
            1. JK I never watch TV on an actual television
            2. What am I, 800 years old
        2. Anyway I will at least admit that Girls is in every way the Liz Taylor to that show’s Debbie Reynolds
  6. By the way
    1. This cigarette is canoeing pretty hard right now
      1. I love that term
        1. It is so accurate! It looks like a little canoe!
          1. I like my women like I like my canoes:
            1. Hollow on top and wet on bottom
              1. Pretty solid right
                1. If you hadn’t guessed already this particular drunk is of the self-congratulatory variety
                  1. Haaaaappy Suuuuundaaaaaay to meeeeeeee
                    1. [it is Tuesday]
  7. The gay BFF and Marnie hookup
    1. Is probably going to be boringly controversial in the way of these things
    2. Is clearly just another baseless, unmotivated setup for Marnie-Hannah drama
      1. And also probably a ploy intended to prolong the period before people notice how stale the Effeminate Gay BFF is (see 4(3(1))) by introducing some fluidity to his sexuality
    3. Is a perfect demonstration of how this show has no idea who its characters are, just how they dress
  8. Conclusion:
    1. Girls basically skates along on the two great moments that pop up every episode, and then the rest of it is total nonsense that takes on a pyritic glow from the good bits
      1. “Pyritic” is a killer word right
      2. Now you’re thinking:
        1. You’ll remember the guy knew all those big words he musta learned in college
          1. I love that song
            1. See, my music references, on the other hand, are DOPE a.f.
            2. I’m gonna bow out now before I look like any more of a dickslot and/or pass out
            3. LATES