There Would Be a Goal Involved

Month: January, 2013

Sunday Poem, January 20, 2013


Then you wake fully clothed
Then you write a useful little book
Lightning through the heart of the cloud
high winds have sheared the top from
Then you shelter a candle in your hand
Then you blow a stranger in a doorway
Thunk of the small exploding shell
leaving the candle, thunk thunk thunk

New rule: the next species that escapes,
nests in the stadium lights, I get to be
part of, plumage a color you don’t have
a word for. Then you’re at a B&B
outside Rhinebeck, watching the war
Then you’re getting choked out at Sunoco
over bullshit, rainbow toxicants in puddle

New rule: no more Velazquez-like faces
on the F, I don’t care if it’s been raining
since you were a child, thunk thunk thunk
Then it’s the summer of the ash cloud
Then it’s the esophageal cancer street fair
obese radio personality in dunk tank
Then it’s the summer of the ash cloud

—Ben Lerner (2011)

Drunk Reviews in Outline Form: Girls Season Two Premiere

  1. Okay so we’re opening onto a sex scene with Donald Glover
    1. Welp, that’s definitely going in a not-secret-because-I’m-talking-about-it-on-the-internet place and staying there forever
    2. He is good at literally every aspect of showbiz and I’m really looking forward to his Bill Murray phase
      1. Like he’ll be a little salt-and-pepper and dance with a pretty Asian girl at a cookout and still be pretty fly and then he’ll disappoint her and it’ll be called Stumblebutt or something
      2. CUT. PRINT. SELL IT.
        1. (in 25 years)
  2. These shorts Hannah’s wearing here
    1. I think I own them or something similar
    2. Now I’m wondering if that’s how I look in them
    3. Not that she looks bad in them!
      1. Obviously
      2. Because I am not
        1. I repeat, NOT
      3. the kind of person who writes about Girls just to talk about Lena Dunham’s motherfucking body
      4. And yet—
      5. And yet—
        1. I’ve entered a slide I can’t get out of
        2. Okay, let’s say this: we’re both a little fat by television standards AND YET we both look amazing in unflattering shorts
        3. Yup.
        4. That’s what I’m going with
  3. Best line:
    1. “I came. You came hard. We all laughed.”
    2. This is the golden (Au) moment (see 8(1))
  4. Oof, I have to say, I really loathe the gay roommate slash ex-boyf
    1. Which is a bummer because he was so delicious in this scene from last season
      1. “There’s a handsomeness to you.”
        1. I DIE
    2. But now that he’s a major player I just find him irritating
    3. It’s not the feyness itself but the fact that it is his Thing and his Only Thing
      1. The problem with the Effeminate Gay BFF in comedy isn’t that he’s played for laughs. You can do that with anything. It’s that, like the Sassy Black Lady, it’s such a reliable stereotype
        1. (and its targets so seemingly marginal to advertisers
          1. [though that’s obviously changing with regards to gay men, who the networks have realized have money I guess? As evidenced by Andrew Rannells’ other big role right now on NBC panderfest The New Normal])
      2. that people can get away with not adding anything else, which is not only problematic but profoundly dull.
      3. The exception, as always, being Community, where Dean Pelton and Shirley offer gorgeous examples of the absurd and brilliant depths to which you can take characters in those categories if you are absurd and brilliant instead of lazy and derivative
        1. Speaking of which:
          1. Lena Dunham won two Golden Globes
          2. Dan Harmon wasn’t even nominated (and is also now fired)
          3. WTF HFPA/NBC/world
  5. Music
    1. Is clearly the most obviously gaping hole in this show’s hipster cred
    2. In that the cues are just okay and none of the characters talk or give a shit about it
      1. Although in its defense trying to do that is always so fraught
      2. The only way for characters to sound cool talking about music is if it’s really well-known
        1. The Madonna opening in Reservoir Dogs
        2. The Ave Maria scene in the West Wing
        3. “My raccoon had hepatitis”
      3. Otherwise it just comes off as “Look at this cool band I, the Writer of this Programme, know about” and then you’re just playing three-card monte with every amateur music supervisor on the planet
        1. And they’re dealing
      4. For example:
        1. Remember that atrocious MTV Brooksploitation show I Want My Pants Back?
          1. You don’t.
            1. But I do.
              1. And that is my tragedy.
          2. But I digress
          3. They would just name-drop, like, Beach House or something and you’d cringe and cringe and cringe forever
          4. That show made my television cringe
            1. JK I never watch TV on an actual television
            2. What am I, 800 years old
        2. Anyway I will at least admit that Girls is in every way the Liz Taylor to that show’s Debbie Reynolds
  6. By the way
    1. This cigarette is canoeing pretty hard right now
      1. I love that term
        1. It is so accurate! It looks like a little canoe!
          1. I like my women like I like my canoes:
            1. Hollow on top and wet on bottom
              1. Pretty solid right
                1. If you hadn’t guessed already this particular drunk is of the self-congratulatory variety
                  1. Haaaaappy Suuuuundaaaaaay to meeeeeeee
                    1. [it is Tuesday]
  7. The gay BFF and Marnie hookup
    1. Is probably going to be boringly controversial in the way of these things
    2. Is clearly just another baseless, unmotivated setup for Marnie-Hannah drama
      1. And also probably a ploy intended to prolong the period before people notice how stale the Effeminate Gay BFF is (see 4(3(1))) by introducing some fluidity to his sexuality
    3. Is a perfect demonstration of how this show has no idea who its characters are, just how they dress
  8. Conclusion:
    1. Girls basically skates along on the two great moments that pop up every episode, and then the rest of it is total nonsense that takes on a pyritic glow from the good bits
      1. “Pyritic” is a killer word right
      2. Now you’re thinking:
        1. You’ll remember the guy knew all those big words he musta learned in college
          1. I love that song
            1. See, my music references, on the other hand, are DOPE a.f.
            2. I’m gonna bow out now before I look like any more of a dickslot and/or pass out
            3. LATES

Sunday Poem, January 13, 2013

Okay I’m going to try to get this thing going again, starting with another Sunday poem. I’m missing Iowa pretty hard at the mo, so how about a poem from the guy who went to my high school. I think this might be one of his Valentine’s Day poems—every year, he sends original poems for Valentine’s Day to a small group of women across America. And yeah, as you might expect from that, it’s cheesy, but see above, missing Iowa.

Plus, for all its sentimentality, there’s something Miltonic about this poem, the vast and abrupt swings in scale, from large to small, high to low, celestial to human. In fact, the astronomer is a pretty solid analogue to the belated peasant (which makes it interesting that he’s placed inside—and therefore outside, distinct from—the figure of the poet). Besides, have you ever read Lycidas? Boss could be cheesy as fuck when it suited him. Look homeward, angel, now, and melt with ruth. As we say in Iowa, yup.

After Years

Today, from a distance, I saw you
walking away, and without a sound
the glittering face of a glacier
slid into the sea. An ancient oak
fell in the Cumberlands, holding only
a handful of leaves, and an old woman
scattering corn to her chickens looked up
for an instant. At the other side
of the galaxy, a star thirty-five times
the size of our own sun exploded
and vanished, leaving a small green spot
on the astronomer’s retina
as he stood on the great open dome
of my heart with no one to tell.

—Ted Kooser, from Solo: A Journal of Poetry (Spring 1996)