A Brief Compilation of Pathetic Facebook Statuses I Have Refrained From Posting

by kto

  • When yr home friends abandon you you can just hang out with the tiny new friends that live in yr gut, they are always down to g-chat and have a really unusual perspective on Antonioni
  • how much of my life must I live without Anderson Erickson daily products I ASK YOU HOW MUCH
  • waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  • dear Kenya my Swahili is quite rusty but I can still tell when you are talking about how I am fatter than the other white girl in the office
  • dear Kenya if we all just waited in line everyone’s lives would be better I swear this to you upon my mother’s undug grave
  • dear Kenya why
  • you know you are having an awesome time when you go to the bathroom at the bar and start memorizing “Lycidas” out of the notebook in yr purse until prostitutes kick you out
  • No, new friend, my tattoo does not indicate that I “grew up in a haunted house,” thanks for asking though I BID YOU ADIEU
  • baking without oven temperatures has given me a new appreciation for the inventor of numbers (nice one dude)
  • somewhere towards the dawn of the sleepless night you pray that the mosquito will just land on you and get it over with; this wish is in some small way an analog to the terminal patient’s desire for death
  • poop
  • poop everywhere
  • I miss you Chee-tos

[FYI I made like half of these up, things are actually prettay, prettay, prettay, prettay, pretty good, I am just so awesome at being a little bitch about shit that it seems a shame not to share)